By Patrycja Dynowska
Art by Kari-Lise Alexander
'Never again'. How often do we say it but then fall into the same traps over and over again? We change jobs for ones that seem a bit better, give us that extra bit of money but in the end are exactly the same.
Sometimes we’re afraid to take the extra step forward and leave that nicely wrapped up shit behind, but sometimes it’s just simply not possible to look for anything else.
We dream big and our expectations are even bigger. We want a prince because Disney taught us that they always show up, no matter what. But instead we date boys who haven’t yet turned into men (although they should have a long time ago), who crush our little hearts into million pieces making it impossible to reassemble them for weeks afterwards. And then we lower our expectations, and finally realise that even though we struggle with commitment issues, what we truly want is to find love, not the one from Disney films, in which they get married after three days of knowing each other, but one that would be able to survive the good and the bad, that fixes the broken rather than throws the entire thing away. Look at your great-grandparents and grandparents, they should be the closest example you have.
We either care too much or too little, rejecting people worth our time and inviting ones who we secretly knew weren’t a match but that didn’t matter then with all the thrill, excitement and good sex. Later on we complain that there’s no one interesting out there. Wait a second, there was, you just preferred the ‘cool’ (if you say so) guy over the decent one. Same mistakes, over and over again. It actually takes few turns for our brain to identify them, so don’t worry.
We make friends, lots of friends, but in times of crisis we’re left with the real ones. I mean the REAL ones that will stick with you even though you cancel your plans for the fifth time in a row or just minutes before you were supposed to meet. The small bunch of close friends who understand and are there for you no matter what. But aren’t they the ones we tend to attack the most? Because they know us? Because we’re allowed?
Same mistakes, pushing the right people away whilst inviting the ones who are only worth it for a while (or not at all). Until it all collapses like a tower made from Jenga elements, wrong move and they’re gone.