Emigraine - Chapter Four

Words and Photography by Michele Maria Serrapica


phonzo 4.JPG

Phonzo has never been on time.

He could be there, at the prearranged appointment place, half an hour earlier, never at the actual time. Usually, if not always, he's just late.

And so he was, late, for meeting Luchino. He should've been outside the pub around 83 minutes earlier, like Luchino was, but he didn't make it. And now, even Luchino was not there.

Phonzo called and texted him many times. No answer. For a long while. Then, he just came out of nowhere.

“Hiii, Phò! You're more than an hour late”.

“Well, now, you're late too”.

“I've been here for almost an hour. I was bored to death”.

“And where did you go?”

“I asked one guy for a lighter and he started flirting with me”.


“So I went with him to his flat and gave him a blowjob”.


“He was hot. And he was one of those I'm straight, but I like being blowjobbed by men kind of guy. You know they're my favourites”.

“No, actually, I don't”.

“Well, sweetheart, you need to be updated”.

“About the dildos in your bedside table?”

“OHMYGOD!!! Have you seen them? Aren't they beautiful?”

“They're… interesting”.

“I'll show you more once home”.

“Can't wait for it”.

Phonzo truly couldn't wait. Despite everything, he's always been a curious person.

“Anyway, shall we go inside?”

“After you, darling”.

“Shouldn't ladies go first?”

“I don't know if this joke is poorer than lower or vice versa… “

“I, for sure, can't keep the door open forever, can I?”

And so they walked in. Luchino had an exchange of sexy glances with the bartender while they were looking for a tab, that's how Celts call tables as Phonzo will find out. They found a free bigger one to share. Phonzo sat, Luchino went to grab a couple of beers. Then, he walked back, smiling, and threw a piece of paper to his friend.

“What's this?”

“Read it”.

“It's a number of what?”

“A phone number”.

“Whose phone number?”

“The bartender? Duuuh?”

“You got the bartender's phone number? While you were getting beers?”.

“Well, he gave it to me”.

“How can you do that?”

“Why? You think he's ugly?”

“No, I mean… walking into a bar and getting the phone number of the guy who's pouring your beers”.

“It's London, sweet baby”.

“So you think I would be able to do it as well?”

“Sure. Even if… are you still into women?”

“Of course I am”.

“What the fuck do you complain about then?”

“I'm not complaining”.

“Women are boring, darling. It's never too late to change”.

“How can you do it anyway? Is it because of… what?”

“Well, men are constantly horny and looking for fuckable partners. So, if you're a smart man who's into fucking other men, you'll get the easiest fucks in your life, my dear”.

“No, I meant, how can YOU do that”.

“What do you mean? We're in London. Nobody cares about who you are and what you do.”

Phonzo will then realise that they actually cared in a somewhat twisted way.

“Plus, you got the apps”.

“What apps?”

“Shagging apps. Like Bender”.

“Oh, yeah, I've heard of that from friends using it in the Boot. They fuck a lot apparently”.

“Well, download it. What you waiting for? You'll smash it!”

He actually will not.

“Trust me. Anyway, WE got others like Rowrrr”.

“And is it the same, just for samesexual?”

“Kind of. But it shows the people closest to you. And you can text anyone, no matter what. So, people just start a chat and send stuff like this“.

“Is that a… cock?”

“Never seen one?”

“Well, I mean, he just sent you a photo of his penis without telling you anything?”

“Like what? Hey, wanna see my cock?”

“Like, I don't know, ehi, what's up?”

Luchino stared at Phonzo.

“You probably will be the only one touching your handsome body”.


“It's clearly an attitude issue”.

“What attitude?”

“Time is the only cure”.

“Are you saying...”

“And now it's time for a new pint! Your time to pay too. Choose for me. If I like it, we'll keep on watching my chats on Rowrrr”.

“I think I gotta tell you to fuck off before going”.

“I love you too, gummybear”.

And Phonzo went. And the nectar he chose for Luchino was of the right kind. Therefore, they went through the chats looking for unrequested (though much appreciated as Luchino clarified) photos of good-sized penis, weird-shaped penis, poor-talented penis, asses of any kind, mostly stretched out for better zoom ins, and ugly faces.

They went on till the bell tolled, announcing the closing time of the public house was nigh. Then, they slowly walked home, drunkenly went up the stairs and happily fell asleep.

There would have been an early morning alarm for Phonzo the next day. The app had to wait, The Establishment was hungry and in neede to be satiated.

EmigraineSonia Hadj Said